So many times in life you're at crossroads where you do not know which way to go. Sometimes this confusion is not because you have too many options in hand, but most times it is 'coz you do not really know what you really, really want. And this can be frustrating at times, most times, if you get what I am saying.
And then you feel like tossing a coin upwards, or look for soothsayer, or browse through the newspapers and read what the stars have to say (sic), or just look for a serendipitious sign around. Makes sense? No, at_the_least for me! How could you look around and outside for something that should come naturally to you from within? You will know when it comes from within, trust me. You don't need a someone to rant out your future. Your heart will tell you that. Your heart will tell you exactly what you need to do, where you need to go, what you need to love, what you need to let go; all you need to do is just listen without prejudice. And listen patiently to that little voice of God that speaks in your heart. That feeble, fragile and faint little voice called conscience. Most people do not realise that conscience needs to be handled with care. Most people forget if you do not listen to him now, he will hold his peace forever. And that my dear friend, is not so a good thing to live with. Without that little voice of God still beating in our hearts we would be animals on twos. I bet God doesn't want that to happen. There is still time, it is not too late, yet. Don't let him die! No, not yet. 'Coz if he dies, you will too, eventually. And I bet you don't want that miserable death, do you? Don't you dare disobey or ignore him for long. Who knows, he may be dead by tomorrow. And you may never know what may befall you. Sounds scary? I know it does.
Folks, listen - to the sound from deep within.
This reminds me of a hymn we sung in school:
Listen, let your heart keep seeking,
Listen, to his constant speaking,
Listen to the spirit calling you.
Listen, to his inspiration,
Listen, to his invitation,
Listen to the spirit calling you.
He's in the sound of the thunder,
In the whisper of the breeze.
He's in the might of the whirlwind,
In the roaring of the seas.
I recently saw the movie "A Walk To Remember" and it got me thinking and questioning my existence and my life here on earth. What are here for? Just to be born one day and then die and fade away some other day? Or is there a little more than that? Are we here just by chance? Or are we here to fulfill a deeper calling? What are we here for really?
In the movie Mandy Moore plays Jamie Sullivan, a young devout Christian girl whose ambition is "to witness a miracle" - which she does - by transforming and changing and beautifying the life of the young reckless 'lil hero, Landon Carter played by Shane West. She changes him from the inside-out. The once upon a time high school bully is transformed into someone so caring and sensitive, and all that Jamie did was being kind, patient and loving towards him. Something that seems so out of the world idea to most of us. I mean how many of us actually turn the other cheek, huh? How many of us actually walk that extra mile? How many of us still hang on and hold on to the people around us? When was the last time that we did someone something good without expecting anything back in return? I guess, that last time never was. Sad no? And mind you, Jamie was no 'holier than thou' or a 'miss goody two shoes'. She was an ordinary human being, just like us and yet she was different. Different - 'coz she trusted her faith more than her beliefs, her heart more than her mind, her feelings more than her instincts, her love and the goodness in the world than the bad and the filth that we see around.
Its time now to trust the right things and the right people, we need to not let go of a loved one - just yet. Give people one more chance, again and again, over and over. Some of them really need you and your love. Don't just give up that soon, anytime soon. Afterall everyone deserves better.
I too hope to be a Jamie, and then one day when I am done, I hope that my walk here was a walk to remember.
She said, "Promise me you won't fall in love with me.", but that is just what he did.
So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.
Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.
I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.
So many times in life you feel like things aren't going your way, so many times you just wanna give up - give up on people and give up on yourself and give up on everything else. It's like you have one happy day in your life followed by a million not-so-happy ones. Sounds familiar? I really hope not!!
But what is it that you do on these not so happy, but sad and gloomy days? Well, there's loads that you could. For instance you could sit and cry and howl and bawl about how life isn't fair and how God never bothers to answer your prayers..wow that rhymes!! (I know you didn't notice, so just skim back once more) Or you could go sit in a pub and yank out your sob-story to the least interested bartender and maybe even end up lying in your own puke. Or you could just blow up some smoke upwards, waywardly dreaming and hoping it would puff away your sorrow. Or you could just tie a noose around and say you quit once and for all. Or you could just plan a foolproof way to drop atom bombs on the heads of the ones that caused you pain. And then smile gleefully at your adversary's adversity. There are some people around who secretly hope that Osama would be on their speed-dial. Thank God! Osama's still unreachable to the most of us. But do you really think all this would get the long lost happiness back in your life?? No, it wouldn't. I know, you know.
But then, what do you do in times like these? What do we do when there seems to be a no end to our pains and misery? Well, you could talk to a good friend; or wait - you could talk to your best friend - God. I do both. And then I realized that...
"We're only seeing the ugly underside of the undone tapestry of our lives that God is weaving - from our limited human view. One day, when we're on the other side, we'll see that those weren't just ugly messy threads and loose ends. We just have to wait patiently to get to the other side - God's side to see it from His view. It is beautiful if we don't interfere. Just remember - pray - but don't interfere. You really don't know enough to interfere."
Yes, you really do not know the way that God chooses to work and weave around our lives. What's mess for you could be turned into the most beautiful thing ever in your life! Just wait and be patient. Just stand still and know that God is in control. And remember - have faith in God and know that whatever happens to us is for our own good, it's just that we cannot see it now. And like my friend said, "The clay doesn't ask the potter what are you making?" What makes you think you can? After all, you're smarter than plain clay, no??
Stay Precious and Blessed!
Smile, 'coz God is truly-madly-deeply in love with you, like no one else ever could or would! :)
God Bless.
I had been to God's own country - Kerala for three whole weeks and it would really be so not fair if I dint share my travelogue with you. They say, when in Rome do as the Romans do! I say, when in Kerala, do as the Mallus do! So let me list down a few must do things while in Kerala!
1. Go Fishing! Kerala is blessed with so many rivers, lakes, ponds and marsh lands; that you can go fishing anytime and anywhere! Just pop in your fishing rods and there pops out a fish! Also, if you are 20 something pretty young thing, be prepared to be fished (read hit on) by over enthusiastic, over testosteroned, but cute and harmless Mallu fellas! Sadly, I caught none - no fish and no men!
2. Go Bussing! Whoa! The bus rides in Kerala are nothing short of a thrilling roller coaster ride to hell and back (Err back? Conditions apply!) so much that they put Essel World's Thunder and the likes to shame! The bus driver drives the bus as if he has gas trouble-loose motions-leaky bladder-puke all at once and he is rushing to the nearest loo just around the corner! Go bussing after all its not everyday that you get to enjoy such greater thrills of life at such a cheap price! But those walking on the roads- BEWARE! You'll never know what hit you from where! Don't ever walk on Kerala's roads! It is dangerous for you!
3. Go Walking! Ya! ya! I just warned you about walking on Kerala's roads and now I am telling you to walk? Well! Not on the road you dumbo! I am talking about the woods! Kerala is blessed with so much scenic beauty with the woods and the lakes and the trees that walking around this lap of nature is a MUST! Best place to dance around the trees and woo your soon-to-be! Honeymoon bells ringing in your ears, eh?
4. Go Eating! We Keralites can make food out of anything! Trust ME! Take the humble banana plant for instance. We cook the leaves to make koomblapam, the fruit to make the world famous etheka upperi (=banana chips), the raw fruit to make kaa mezhukavarthi, the trunk to make pindi thoran, the flower to make koomb thoran, the roots to make..err I'm not sure if we eat the roots! Will ask mom and get back to you! So! So now you know why we Mallus are taller, stronger, sharper (just like me!) We eat anything and everything!
5. Go Clicking! There is so much variety an colour in Kerala, that it would make your camera go click-click 24/7. Buxom andies in chatta mundu, pot bellies unggles in nothing but a flowing florescent pinng lungis with green flowers drawn in a typical Mohan Lal stlye! And then? And then, there's elephant poop! Have you ever seen an elephant's poop? OH. MY. GAWD! I saw one and that too right in the middle of the road! It was so huge! Trust me! My jaws dropped! It put my entire digestive system to shame! We, I mean us humans can never compete with the elephant in poop business! Buxom aunties, pot bellied uncles, elephant poop - you can't afford to miss nature's oh-so-colorful collage, can you?
I guess you must be raring to go to Kerala now! And trust me, you should! There is a reason Kerala is called God's Own Country! Once you are there, you'll know it!
P.S. I am a true-blue Malayalee penne kocch and I love my Kerala and my fellow Mallus alike!
P.P.S. And thank God that elephants don't fly!! Phew!!
Seri Appol!
When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.
I have been wanting to play the guitar from a real long, long time - eleven years precisely - if I had to count. And when something is your first love, an eleven-year wait is way too much! Finally after all this time, I got to behold my love in these arms!! My love story is no different. It was love at first sight. I was head over heels in love with my guitar. I used to just keep holding it in my hands, strumming randomly trying to make sweet love (read music) to it!! And then, I got myself enrolled in a music institute, thus solemnizing our wedding. I thought things would be smooth from now on - after all, we were in it together. Then things started getting a little nasty. No, it wasn't me (I am too good to be nasty, no?) It was the guitar! I mean it needed to be dusted, to be tuned, to be strummed, to be what not! And what did I get, huh?? Corns!! My soft fingertips began to harden like those of a blacksmith. There were times we din't see each other for a long, long time (more than anything else - thanks to my hectic schedule). But truly-madly-deeply that I was in love with my guitar, I always went after him; trying to woo him and win his heart just like he won mine! There were times I really missed him so badly. Slowly and steadily the days turned into weeks, weeks into months and at the end of three whole months, my course was over and then came the icing on the cake - a live performance in front of an audience! For someone like me who's never performed before, it was a real dilemma. I started getting thoughts like what if my fingers slipped, what if my chords (both - vocal and guitar) croaked, what if my guitar ran off-tune, and the worst of all - what if my strings just decided to snap all of a sudden?? I had a bunch of what if's before me. Some how, I managed to convince myself to give it a shot and then as the D-day got closer and closer - I fell sick - that too just days before our performance. Could things get worse?? I was running a temperature, had a runny nose, a dry mouth, a spinning head, an aching body and my performance was up in just a few hours!! What was I to do?? Could I just go on stage with the fever, cold, cough, tonsilitis and drowsiness and sing along strumming my guitar, huh?? I had all the reasons to quit. And yet I desperately wanted to be on stage though!! I wanted to prove my love no matter what, against all odds. I din't wanna give up that easily, too soon, not yet!! I drank a few glasses of warm water to soothe my throat, ate something to regain my strength, practised my song over and over again; and finally I went on stage with my guitar. And then, together we forgot our cares and worries and just played and sung together - like one big happy family!! Maybe that is what they mean when they say "in sickness and in health..." we din't give up on each other in our rough times..but we stood by each other and gave it our best shot, against all odds...
"Looks like we made it, look how far we've come my baby!
We mighta took the long, we knew we'd get there someday.
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"; but look at us holding on,
We're still together, still going strong"
"You been searching the world to find true love, looking in all the wrong places;
When all of the time you've been blind to love, it's plain as the nose on you face is.
Right here, right now open your eyes to love"
Glancing at the newpapers all over the place, I see stories of couples who once vowed till death do us apart, now washing their dirty linen in public and screaming their lungs out over what an obnoxious other-halves they fell truly-madly-deeply fell in love with once upon a time, long long ago!! Once better-halves are now turning bitter-halves!! I wonder why?? It is sad to say this, but most people work harder on their two-minute popcorn than their twenty-year old marriages. Is there anything that sounds more depressing than that?
With technology and everything else making life so easy, I wonder why are things not getting easier on the family front. More divorces, more heartbreaks, more extra marital affairs, more tears, more regrets, more abortions, more one night stands, more of everything that is sad and gloomy. And lesser and lesser of all the happy, good and not-so-gloomy stuff.
We are so used to the convenience stuff, that no one walks that extra mile today, no one turns the other cheek anymore, no one forgives and forgets seventy-times-seven, ever! All we get to doing is planning how to get back, how to let down and how to make the other person pay. Why is it that the eyes in which we saw endless love once upon a time, don't see eye-to-eye any more?? Why? The answer of all these questions lies in love and in loving yourself and the people around you. It isn't impossible, if only we learned to love a 'lil more, laugh a 'lil louder, walk a 'lil slower, whisper a 'lil softer with your loved one - things would surely begin to look better and beautifuler. Let's all pledge to fall in love - with the same person - over and over again - for the rest of our lives - in sickness and in health - as long as we live - till death do us apart - sounds all good to me!!
Let's get back to the good old days where all once upon a time always ended with and they lived happily everafter!! Trust me, it is possible! Don't believe me?? Well, have a good look at your parents, buddy!!! I'm sure you'll agree!!
Let's say "I'll love you till the end" to that special someone in your life and mean it from your heart as well. And then - just live up to that promise; no matter what. And then, there will be more happily everafters!!
Stay Precious!! Love you!!! God Bless!!!! :)
I will be going to my home town in some time and I am in a state of mixed emotions!! On one hand I am happy and excited about being to Kerala and meeting my family there; but at the same time, I know I am gonna miss the family that I am gonna leave behind here - my family at my workplace. I know it's just a matter of days, but still I am gonna miss them dearly.
I am gonna miss my girlfriends - Chits, Rams and Manali. I am really gonna miss you three power-and-puffed-gurls (all three fat, no??) a lot!! Thanks to them, I don't feel the need for a guy in my life!! And who knows, I may end up marrying one of them!! Pssst....don't tell them, okay?? They'll freak out!! Ahem!! Hmmm, and so while I am in Kerala and munching on some banana chips and sipping chood-chood kaapee, I am gonna think about you three and I am gonna miss our endless bitching sessions, our non-stop laughter clubs, our never ending coffee conversations, our pitiful and sorrowful sobbing dramas, our race for who-goes-to-the-loo first and gets-out-the-earliest, our fingering with the lift buttons, our watery-mouthings of exotic food, our madness, our antics, our endless love for each other, I am gonna miss all of this...
And I am gonna miss Chitra's 360° eye-rolling philmy-shytle naaaaaatak baazi...
And I am gonna miss Ramya's pravachan about how everyone is right in their own sweet way...
And I am gonna miss the look on Manali's face whenever she hears TMIO...
And then I am gonna miss irritating Avdhut with my "Kya? Kya?? Kya??? Haaan? Haan?? Maine nahi suna" ragas...
And then I am gonna miss asking Cyrus "Are you angry on me??"
And then I am gonna miss asking Tejas "Does your dad work with Orbit??", just to get hold of the last piece of chewing gum he's got!!
And then I am gonna miss Joel (aka Pinky aka Koel aka Jaw Ill) testing my patience levels with his mad-mad antics. I am gonna miss calling him a DAWG...
And then I am gonna miss bossing around the place and telling everyone else "Don't you have any work??" "Can we please change the topic??"
And then I am gonna miss all the people that I argue and fight and irritate (that includes Mahesh, Hitin, Pushkar, Rohan, Jacob, Pratik)
And then I am gonna miss everyone else on the 2nd floor...
And then I am gonna miss that Christmas celebration on the 7th floor...
And then I am gonna miss Ashirwad's paneer biriyani...
And then I am gonna miss my dearly beloved Richard...!!! How could I ever, ever not miss him, huh??
Hmmm, till we meet again in the brand New Year, here's wishing all of you a Merry Christmas, a wonderful vacation and a delightful New Year!!!
Take care and God Bless. Stay Precious. :)
P.S. I will miss you.
And if you miss me too, just go through my blog over and over again, again and again and again and again and again...
Thanks for all your love. You're all really a family to me!
Love ya!! See you soon!!
It's been almost five years since I've been to my janma-bhoomi, my God's own country, my very own malayaleegalude Keralam!! And I am very upbeat and excited about it. 'Coz after all these years I will finally be getting to meet my cousins and my extended loving family that lives way down south after a long long time! I am excited 'coz I know that I will be pampered to the core with all the love and the attention and the affection that I am gonna get!! Who doesn't love to be pampered, huh?? I do!! I really, really do!! And most importantly, after all the slogging and the hard work that I do in office - this is really a much needed and a much deserved break; way far far away from the maddening crowd!!!
But all the same, I am a tad nervous too!! You may wonder why. It's 'coz this trip is gonna be different from the earlier ones - before I was just a little girl, still struggling with her grades and college; but now I will be going there as a woman who is a graduate (finally!!!), who is working and who by all means could be labeled (mind you - could be!!) the ideal bride by most Indian standards!! And that gets me a bit nervous!! 'Coz I am pretty much sure that all my relatives are gonna fuss over my big fat Indian wedding!! Not their fault though, 'coz I am the youngest on my dad's side and the eldest on my mom's!! So both the halves are eagerly waiting for my Holy Matrimony! But I am not much worried 'coz I know that my dearly beloved parents are unperturbed and unaffected by all of this drama that surrounds my virtual wedding!! I can relax 'coz I actually got a warrant from dad saying that, "Mole, get this straight - you are NOT getting married before 2012!!" Thanks dad, I love you!!
But - what are my thoughts and fantasies about my own wedding?? To tell you the truth, I always imagined and secretly wished for a knight in shining armour - tugging on this white horse - sweeping me off my feet kinda thing happening to me...hmmm I know, I know all girls do! But now at 23, I guess I should be acting my age (which is next to impossible!!) and come out of my fantasy world and keep my eyes wide open to the reality around me - THERE IS SIMPLY NO KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR TUGGING ON A WHITE HORSE...AT THE LEAST FOR ME!!! I mean - it din't work out for so long and now I guess I am too old for fake fantasy stuff!! I just wish I could convince this die hard romantic heart of mine!! Me sounding too cynical, no? Hmmm, I know; but people change, right?? I guess I have changed too!! And they say changes are good...I have no choice but believe them!!! Atleast for now...
India TV Imagine knows all the tricks of the TV trade! I wonder at the producers' acumen at making up crap that has our Indian audiences glued to the idiot box 24x7!! Which is not a wonder actually, 'coz as nosy Indians, we are more interested in what's cooking in the neighbour's bedroom than our own!! Quite a feat though - considering we're still No. 1 in the baby boom! No wonder we know more about Rakhi Sawant and her baratis, than the global meltdown (both - economical and ecological)!
And now comes yet another drama sensation that's hypnotising the Indians over - Raaz Pichle Janam Ka! The entire set up starting from enchanted backwards-ticking-clock to the two-ear-pierced Ravi Kissen's dramatized voice drop everytime he quotes "Raaz Pichle Janam Ka", to the Dr.(!!! is she???) Trupti Jain's thundering-hoarse voice (her croaking-chords should fuse the daylights out of a person than put them to sleep!), to the poor victims' tear jerking narratal of their past deeds and misdeeds - everything, everything is so well dramatized on prime time television - with the whole of Hindustan watching (as Mr.Ravi-good-for-nothing-else-Kissen puts it!)
I wonder what lengths people would stoop for their two seconds of fame under the sun! It is ridiculous to see people wanting to have a peek into the so-called past life to solve the problems of the present!! I mean, just think about it for a second - going back into the past life (if there is any!) to solve riddles of the present, sounds like gibberish to me at the least!! I believe that we have got all that we'll ever need to deal with our lives' givings and misgivings without any need for regression therapy or for that matter - numerology or tarot or feng shui or graphology or any-other-crap!! If things worked the feng shui or the numerology way, then all our problems would go boom by a mere adjustment of either the furniture in the bedroom or the re-ordering of the alphabets in our name! Wow!! If things worked that way, life would be so much easier to handle, no? Duh!!
It is a shame to see the educated folks falling prey to such idiosyncrasies. It's time we started thinking for ourselves than let people or the idiot box feed crap into our systems. It is time we dealt with our fears and phobias and everything-else in a more mature manner than turn to a bunch of idiots who look at the suns and the moons for problems here on earth!! It is time we take responsibility for who we are, what we are, and what we are not. It is time we wake up to oursleves and the world around us. Don't ya think??
P.S. : I like one thing about Raaz Pichle Janam Ka though - it is the only show which allows the contestant to sleep at ease on a cozy bed - all on prime time TV!! What else could you ask for??!! I strongly recommend it to all the sleep deprived janta. You will sure return happier - one hour of sleep on TV sounds too good to resist, no?? What say, huh??
Today morn as I was breezing through VH1, I saw MJ's Dirty Diana, and what struck me (apart from MJ's persona) was that all the guitarists in the cover had LONG HAIR!!! I mean what's with a guitar and your locks, huh?? I've been taking guitar lessons from quite some time and I have seen the guys there with hair flowing like Goldilocks'!! Do they have long hair just to fit into the mould? Or do they have long hair 'coz they lurve long hair?? Well I dunno!! Thinking about all this, made me look back and wonder of all the silly questions that kept popping outta my head! Well, I personally feel it is good to ask questions, no matter how duh! they sound like. It's better to speak out, than to spend your life staying mum, what say??
And right from my kiddie days, I have always had like a zillion questions rushing through my head!! Thankfully they have never lead to any serious discoveries like the law of gravity of sorts yet! My questions are more like "what will happen if the trains' tyres develops a puncture??!!" Then, I was way too small to figure out that train had wheels and not tyres!! And then I used to wonder and rack my head about "how does a train turn, whenenver it needs to?!" I pacified my brain of sorts by telling it that "the world is round and big, buddy; so if the world is big enough to let a train run on it, it might let it turn around as well!!" Dumb as it sounds!!
Then another thing that gave me sleepless nights was - wherever did all the poop in the areoplane go??? I just couldn't seem to fathom this one!!! I kept getting frequent nightmares of a huge bird-winged aeroplane loosing all it's bowel-control!! I mean I was so damn buggered by this one, that a plane zooming past high in the sky sent shivers down my spine, thinking if I would be the chosen one on whom they decide to empty their poop-basket!! Ewwww!!!!
Now even after growing this old my bag of duh! questions doesn't seem to end at all!!! I always have got something to ask! My pals will bet on that! My list of questionnaire keeps growing longer and longer and longer and...
Another question that comes to my mind right now is,"Why are most Fashion Designers gay, huh?" Any answers? Everyone? Someone?? Anyone???
