Daddy's Trousers

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Daddy's trousers worn out and long,
Is a place where I long to belong.
They are black, brown, blue and grey,
They'd guide me when I'm lost in the fray.

As a child, I would tug to them,
Till he'd pick me up again.
I'd pull and scratch and squirm and scream,
Till the time he'd reach my arms again.

They'd be long, pleated or even an A line cut,
But to me that didn't matter that much.
For me they told me tales untold,
Of love and care and grace that unfolds.

They'd protect me from the hurt,
They'd protect me from the dirt.
They'd love me to bits,
And pick me up from pieces.

I'd kiss daddy morning with my spittle,
I guess he minded just a little.
He'd lift me up in his arms so wide,
And throw me up in the sky so nice.

As a toddler,
I tugged them for long.
As I bloomed,
I ignored them for oh so long!

No more am I the little kid,
No more do I tug after him.
I miss those days so much,
I miss that gentle little touch so, so much!

Now when I feel so lost,
I seek a place where I feel I belong.
That's when memories of the past come along,
And take me to the closet that holds;

Oh! My daddy's black trousers so long and old!

Dedicated to my dad. Daddy, I love you! You mean the world to me. :')

Paradise Lost

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I met her on my first day at school.
She was lean and lovely with dark beautiful eyes.
‘Hi, What’s your name?’, I asked her,
‘Neha’ said she and asked me mine
‘Maria’, said I and passed her a smile.

That ‘Hi’ turned into something neat,
We became buddies oh so deep!
Then on a journey we took,
That went on till that fateful brook.

We ate, we danced, we clapped together,
It was as if we were clipped forever.
She read my heart, I read her eyes,
Together we took on this journey called life.

We thought we’d be friends till the end,
But fate played on its fiddle.
And we felt lost right in the middle,
We lost ourselves for something trivial!

What it was I don’t clearly remember,
But I know it was something small.
We gave up, too soon to say,
May be we really didn't care enough to stay.

Now we no longer eat, nor dance nor clap together,
It doesn’t feel like we were clipped forever.
She walks past me with piercing eyes,
I wonder what turned her into ice, cold ice!

And then I remember our good old days,
When all was fun and gay.
‘Where have the times gone?’ I say,
I wish she came back to play.

I see her play with the other girls,
And then something inside of me burns.
I wonder if she remembers me like I do?
I wonder if she misses me like I do?

My eyes moisten as I look back,
To the day we played with our haversack.
I wish the she’d turn around to see my cry,
And then pat my tears dry.

Never did I realize what she means to me,
Until that fateful day on the brook.
Where we fought till our faith shook,
It was that day she made me look like a rook.

She called me names,
And played games, nasty games.
I overlooked it all,
Forgiving her for her fall.

But she hurt me too much,
I knew I had to stop.
I told myself this has to stop,
Else it would cost me a lot!

She left me on that day,
And then never came back till date.
I miss her if I could say,
I’d be friends if she could care.

She won’t I know,
Coz she’s gone too far to come back home.
Had I said sorry that fateful day,
I’d still have Neha my best friend to stay.

(This poem is about how I once had a fight with my best friend and how I lost that friendship forever. Had I kept aside my ego, we would have been the best of friends even now. Who knows?  
I am sure all of us have 'Nehas' in our lives. All I wanna say is that don't give up on people and relationships that matter. It's sad to see people work harder on their two minute noodles than stuff that really matter. Don't let that be you! Let go of the ego. Don't let go of the friend! )

Little Miss Sunshine :)

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The sun is out in the sky shinning down his shimmery rays to burn up the mankind, aint he? Well, no! Not for me!

Not as long as Kyra's with me! You see, just like me Kyra loves the sun. We are the babelicious girls who love to flaunt it while we've got it! Rain, snow or sun we don't really care! And why should we? Afterall Lakme's there by our side right? :)

A perfect summer outing for us girls is bringing out our floral prints and wearing some light fruity & mischievous makeup strolling on the beach and sipping coconut water! What more could we ask for?

Summers are synonymous with bright floral color, coconut water, fresh makeup and beaches! Summers don't have to mean sweat, smell and sores! It can be a whole lot of fun if you have the right kind of people to hang out with. I am lucky I have Kyra. You grab your friend, put on a straw hat and go flirting with the sun while it lasts. :) Summers just light us up with its energy, don't they? Just go out there, have fun, don't forget to put your sunscreen on! After all girls just wanna have fun! :)

So go on girl! Bring out the kid in you. Go to the beach! Don a straw hat! Sip on coconut water! Make and break sand castles! Get tanned!

Do all this but don't forget to put on the sunscreen on! :)

Somebody Listen To What We Have To Say!!!

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Blast from the past...A mail that I sent a longtime back..

Hi,

There have been constant accusations drawn continuously at the PPC team especially the Tech Managers. We have been blamed for everything that goes wrong in here. From account cancellations to pending reports and what not. Before we point fingers at each other, would you please listen to what we have to say?

First of all, whenever the reports aren't sent on time, it could be because (unfortunately) we are humans too and could fall sick and so are at home (I do not appreciate absenteeism, but we could fall sick no? ) anyway! But it is simply ridiculous to see our names on the "Pending Reports" list when we have already sent it (but some people misunderstand due to a different Account name in the Inventory!! Mind you, Accounts have nick names too!! ). The least that you could do is ask the concerned Communication Manager if you have got the report (I know you don't trust us, so you won't ever think of asking us personally!! but I guess The Comms would never lie!!)

Secondly, do we need to still report for an account that is inactive or paused?? We really don't know!!! Please enlighten!!!

Thirdly, please keep all your ego's at home or preferably at the office's doorstep! Don't get it further in! Egos are trespassing into our workplace and into our relationships. Keep them out please!!!

Fourth, I do not know if you realise this - But We Are Humans Too!!! I know it's hard to digest that! But we aren't machines! Forgive our trespasses just as we forgive yours! We never forget that you are humans, how could you, huh??

Hey one suggestion in here - I know you all love the "CC" very much!! But you could do CC good & appreciation mails too na, what say?? Why do we get more complain mails CCed than the appreciation mail, huh??

If we ask you a simple question, let's say; if "A" asks "B" for an approval - she could say a "yes" or "no" and do the needful. No need for comments like "A, don't follow the crowd!" Just KISS (keep it simple and sweet!!) why talk something irrelevant, huh??

And one more thing, no one EVER reminds of our work!! Then why should we be sending you reminder mails, huh?? I believe you too have a daily inventory - look into it, just like we look into ours!!
Friend, we are the ones who actually do all your work, so you better be good to us! Remember - you are our face, but we are your body!!!


Lastly, smile please!!! It's not taxed yet! So make the most of it, buddy!!! And remember - WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!! We really do!! We don't have anything against you, you shouldn't either!!

Regards,
The Wrecked Tech Managers.

A Letter To My BFF :)

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I wrote this to my friend some years back on her birthday. Putting it up here for nostalgia's sake! I hope she doesn't mind!

Hello Sweetheart!

It is 29th June today which makes you 24 years old! Sorry to remind you of your age! Hehehe. But looking at the days gone by and inspecting our lives, sometimes I wonder if we have bloomed into something beautiful and something that would make our parents and our Creator proud. I am not very sure about me; but about you, you Sabrina have turned out quite beautiful. I am quite sure that all the heavenly junta up there must be blowing kisses your way to see what an angel you have been! And I mean it! I am sure that you parents and family and friends feel the same about you too; though they may never show it! You're doing good Sabrina!!

Looking back at our lives together, starting from St. Xavier's we both belonged to the "I have big dreams, but I won't work an inch" group. Well, I must admit you were more brilliant and a hard worker than me though! Both of us wanted to be doctors and that too from Christian Medical College, Vellore! You remember those days, do you? You remember that "Irrevocable Oath" that you made us sign promising that we would work as hard as we can for our 12th boards? Hehe. The plan was great, sadly I guess we began too late! (The so called BOND was signed on 4th February hardly 15 days ahead of our boards! And yet we dreamt of being state toppers (at least I did!)) And that's the magic that friends weave in our lives! They trick you into believing that you can do the un-do-able! That's what you did to me! Made me believe that I could do whatever I ever dreamt of doing! (It’s a completely different thing that I never really succeeded, but this belief got me through those tough times!) Thank you Sabrina for letting me have faith in myself and tricking me into believing that I could do it - so what if it was just a fortnight before the boards! Do you remember how nervous we were before collecting our results? I stayed at your place the previous day and then, we went to college to see our dreaded results on 2nd June. We spent most of the time in the Chapel where we kept re-reading Psalm 127 over and over again! And then when we walked out of the Chapel, we see Mr. Albert walking towards us and wishing us congratulations! You remember that? I do! And for a minute, I thought we were state toppers!! So foolish of me na? If we were state toppers indeed, the Maharashtra State Board would have wished us instead of some bloody Albert!! Hehe

Well, well, well then our beautiful results were out and then you know the rest of the story! I won't traumatise you on your day! Hehe Both of us in spite of appearing for a million medical entrance exams dint manage to get one, I mean ONE seat!!! Hehe. Maybe we have similar grey cell structure too!!

Anyway, you went on to do Nursing and me?? Well as you know I went on to do my Engineering!! Imagine!! Me an ingi-neer?? Both of us hated that, dint we?? Both of us had signed an invisible bond which read "No trespassing into Engineering". And? I still don't believe I am an engineer! I dunno if you do! And I still haven't quite fallen in love with it! Phew!! Diana always said that "God gives you the things you hate so that you learn to love everything!" It maybe right! I dunno! Well talking about Diana; we were four buddies then, Maryann, Diana, you and me. Sadly I do not know the whereabouts of the other two! I really wish I did! Last I know is that Maryann's married, but her phone's unavailable after that! The wedding pics that were supposed to be sent haven't reached my inbox yet! And Diana?!?! God knows about that girl! She changed her number too many times to keep a track!! May call her home one day! Wherever she is I hope she's fine! I wonder if she is married too like Maryann!

Anyway, I am glad that at least the two of us are in touch! Thank God for that! Thanks to you too for keeping in touch despite the distance! And promise me you always will! Well I know you WILL!!! I dunno why I am writing you this long mail. Well, I will keep the thoughts flowing! I know you will take the time out of your busy schedule to reminisce with me!

Looking back at all the years gone by, I suddenly am feeling very old and gray! In a matter of of years or maybe even days, we will be married and having kids! But are we prepared for this huge responsibility? This is one question I ask myself daily. But there are no answers, 'coz only time and circumstance can answer this dilemma of mine! Hats off to our parents for managing their jobs and kids in a wonderful way! We will never ever EVER match up to them! In spite of having more facilities, more education, more knowledge, more of every damn thing than our parents, I am afraid we'll never beat them! And that makes me sad! 'Coz I wanna be a wonderful parent, but I don't see myself doing that! But I hope you do! And I know you WILL!!! You have been great so far and I know you will be for the rest of your days!

I guess it's time I shut my crap and let you get back to your business! I hope I dint take much of your time and even if I did, I guess it's okay! It is not everyday that you get 3-page-long mails from friends! Hehe

Have a wonderful day dear! May God bless you today and always!

Love you loads! Miss you like hell
You know who!

What A Wonderful Christmas!

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I had the most amazing, the most blessed, the most exciting and the most memorable Christmas season ever! Had quite a few first-timers this time!

To begin with, I had my first ever Carol singing competition early this month. It kept me really busy with the practise sessions and all. After all, I was incharge of my paltan from my parish! (pssst...so now you know the reason why I din't write all this while!) We had marathon non-stop fun filled singing sessions right upto the D-Day! It was all so much fun! Singing the wrong notes, then correcting them only to sing the wrong ones all over again! Deciding on the costume, the message, the standing arrangement and a million other things. And - at the end of it - we LOST! But it was alright; we aren't bitter losers, but cheerful players. It din't diffuse our over charged batteries one bit!

The second first timer was going for Carol rounds door to door till 2am in the early morn! Yes, you read it right, this shameless Christian has never gone around singing "Joy to the world" home to home ever before! *slap* But, better late than never, right? And to make up for my lack of enthusiasm for the last 24 years of my life, I did something extra - *surprise everyone* - I played the mighty drums! Now before you picture a bald-head-scarfed-sivamanied-me banging heavily on some round metal plates, lemme tell you; I din't go that overboard. It was a side drum (the ones to be hung around the neck) that I played. And I must say - I throughly enjoyed beating the shit out of someone (if I may say so!) and I did a pretty good job too (not my words, but the co-carolers said so...ask them if you doubt my skills!) It was all good until the side effects appeared. Well, I sprained my neck and couldn't turn right nor left, giving my forever wandering eyes a much needed break! Hmmm, to sum it up; it was really good! And I am glad I went caroling before I hit the grave!

You thougt my Christmas is over? Nah! There's one more first timer - and the best of all of it - the icing on the cake as you may call it! We, as a part of the youth club in my Church went to an orphanage nearby and spent the beautiful Christmas evening with the differently abled inmates. I don't wish to call them in the medical terms, because I din't see any of them as being a little loose in the head; but each one of them were unique and talented in their own sweet little way. One of them thought he was the asli AB and the Amitabh out there was just a nakli! He sang & danced to popular hindi tracks with so much of enthusiasm and frevor that it put my 24year old self to shame! And if you think he was some little Johnny, lemme tell you he must have been atleast some 50years of age! Look at me! *slap* Then met another precious creation of God - this masterpiece could tell the time correctly, be it any time of the day! And mind you, this man may never have seen a watch his entire life (he is blind) They all had their problems and worries, but it din't seem so. All of them were so full of life and energy! It really put me to shame. The joy on their faces as we sang Carols was priceless! It was indeed my bestest Christmas ever!

Probing inwards I realised that at times (most of the time) we cuss and curse and fret and crib about that one little thing that God hasn't given us yet. And we forget all the blessings He's already packed us with. The visit to the orphanage gave me a new insight to life, it made me probe deeper, made me look more inside and less outside, it taught me that real happiness is in making others happy and real joy is in giving and not receiving, it made me value my life and my health and my loved ones a 'lil more. It made me love me a 'lil deeper. It made me more a human. It made me, Me.

It made me realise -
There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dreaded fear,
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears.
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom.
It gave the meaning to the lines -
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you!
And it made me ask -
Do they know it's Christmas time at all??

What Do You Rather Wanna Be?

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Back in the good ol' days I learnt a song at school which I chirpingly sung and hummed along - The Butterfly Song. The words went like this -

If I were a butterfly, I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings
If I were a robin in a tree, I'd thank you Lord that I could sing
If I were a fish in the sea, I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee
But I just thank you father for making me, me.

For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me.

If I were an elephant, I'd thank you Lord by raising my trunk
If I were a kangaroo, You know I'd hop right up to you
If I were an octopus, I'd thank you Lord for my fine looks
But I just thank you Father for making me, me.

For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me.

If I were a wiggly worm, I'd thank you Lord that I could squirm
If I were a fuzzy wuzzy bear, I'd thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair
If I were a crocodile, I'd thank you Lord for my great smile
But I just thank you Father for making me, me.

For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me.

Those were the days when the cares were few; fun was more and laughter was all around. Those were the days when I really loved being 'ME'. Those were the days when I meant the lyrics as I sung along!

But today, so many cares, so many worries, I wonder if God's idea of making me 'ME' was all that good! Of course, He is all powerful, all knowing, all wonderful, and all of that and I really don't mean to question His mighty creativity skills - but wait, is 'ME' a real good idea? Maybe to Him, but not much to me. I'd rather be a Bappi and swim stretching my fins in the in my small lil world called the fish-bowl with nothing to do but pout my mouth and suck in water and throw out whenever I'm a lil full. After all what do fishes do all day long?!?! Or I'd be better of a bird, singing all day and flying from tree to tree around the wide, wide world with no extra flying charges or boarding passes or seat belts or nosey passengers. And maybe even having the sadistic pleasure of shitting on all those people I've always wanted to!

Whoa! That sounds so liberating! Only if I were a bird! Then maybe I'd gladly and assertively sing - I thank you Father, for making me, ME!

Meanwhile, all my adversaries can rejoice at the idea that I ain't a bird!

Till then, lemme think of some other ways of shitting on people!

Pet-o-Mania!

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One more birthday just whizzed by! This time was different. Unlike the other ones, I bought myself a gift! No, not the boring kapdas! But I got myself a handsome pair of twins! Now before your thoughts race past the roofs, lemme tell you what I actually got myself!

Always wanted pets from a long, long time! Tired of waiting for someone to gift me; I bought myself one. No, not a cat or a birdy or a puppy; but a guppy! Yep, guppy fish! Bought two of them. And thou shalt be called Bappi and Gappi. They are two tiny fishes of the underwater fauna, nesting in a polythene bag that I got them in. I din't really plan to buy them when I set off on my journey. Loitering around the busy bazaars, I walked in a tiny aquarium bargaining and clobbering about fishes and fins and walked out with a bowl, two tiny-tots, some liquid and fish food. All for less than 200 bucks! Cheap no? What else do you expect from a eternally miserly idiot like me!?!? And then began my gestation period!

Carrying them in my shaky hands was as if I was having them in my bachha pouch! Phew! I was so damn nervous as I tugged them along the busy streets. My senses were extra alert and sensitive. Every screeching bike or a honking rick seemed a nightmare and I was worried about the trauma it would cause my babies! I guess this is what motherhood does to you! Hmmm, I did start feeling like a brooding hen; only I had fins instead of wings under me! Boarding the bus seemed another herculean for the mother of two in tow! Against all odds, I finally reached home safe home and let my babies have their first glimpse of their new world! I wonder if they were they were scared or excited. I din't hear them cry; but they were thriving with life for sure!

And now as I pen this, they are circling their small round world, round and round. A lil scared as they are as I knock their glass, I know they will learn to love mama with time. I really hope they do!

At 24, I don't really know to look after myself; I dunno how do I bring up my babies! But it's worth a try, no? At least I won't have diapers to change nor potty train!

P.S. Flashback of the journey, I now realise I walked out with a dreaming wish, but that wish remained just that - a dream. Maybe better luck next time!

Till then, lemme fish!

Love Story

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From this moment life has begun, From this moment you are the one.
Right beside you is where I belong. From this moment on.

Wondering why am I talking about love at the time of this brewing summer heat of April? Well, it's 'coz I've been seeing this one love story blooming and growing for a very long time now. And so I thought of penning it down. Here it goes.

In Kerala, there was a tall, fair and handsome lanky guy with thick dark locks who lived with his parents and went to a nearby school. A 'lil away from his home, somewhere lived a dark, slim and beautiful girl who was blessed with the typical long, dark, thick black curly Keralite hair. She went to the same school as the he. But, they never met! She passed by his home daily on her way to school. But, they never met! And in summers I guess she may have stopped at his doorstep for a glass of water. But they never met!

Both he and she came from very poor families and so had to leave Kerala immediately after their schooling to fend for themselves. He went to Madras first and then to Bhopal and then to Jhansi and then later to Bombay. She came to Bombay. But, they never met! In an unknown place they tried real hard learning the language and the people. Later they got a job and got very busy with the work and everything else. But, they never met! How could they meet? But, God had some wonderfully beautiful plans in His mind for them. When they were of marriageable age, their parents who were still in Kerala started looking out for them.

She knew what she wanted : A tall guy! He didn't know what he wanted! Finally the families met. She said, "He's tall, but too thin". He said, hmmm well I don't know what he said! But I bet it must have been love at first sight for him. She was such a beauty after all! And then? And then, they got married. It was a typical arranged marriage. It was on Sunday, the 14th of April 1985.

It's been 25 years today. I am seeing this couple daily for the last 23 and a half years of my life. And I still see love in their eyes. So much love! He's still tall, fair and handsome, but not lanky anymore! His salt and pepper hair are thinning slowly revealing a nice round football ground right there in the middle of his head. She is still dark, thin and beautiful, just like yesterday. Her locks have a soft glow of gold in them. He and she are still so much in love, even after all this time. And together, they paint a picture of where I want to be tomorrow. They have been together in sickness and in health, in joys and sorrows, in the ups and the downs, she was always there for him; and he for her.

The Bible says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

I see this verse personified in their eyes and their lives.

He and she are my beautiful parents. And today they have turned silver together, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder; sharing their life, sharing their thoughts, sharing their emotions, sharing their dreams, sharing their fears, sharing one another. I love you mom and dad. God bless you this day and always.


Every now and then, I tease my dad for having married a karathe penne (dark girl) when all the matrimonials scream "...wanted a FAIR girl..." But I know that their union was never a mistake or foolishness or anything else, it is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. My mom and dad were meant to be... Thank you Jesus for my beautiful parents. I could never thank God enough for them, no never!

Listen

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So many times in life you're at crossroads where you do not know which way to go. Sometimes this confusion is not because you have too many options in hand, but most times it is 'coz you do not really know what you really, really want. And this can be frustrating at times, most times, if you get what I am saying.

And then you feel like tossing a coin upwards, or look for soothsayer, or browse through the newspapers and read what the stars have to say (sic), or just look for a serendipitious sign around. Makes sense? No, at_the_least for me! How could you look around and outside for something that should come naturally to you from within? You will know when it comes from within, trust me. You don't need a someone to rant out your future. Your heart will tell you that. Your heart will tell you exactly what you need to do, where you need to go, what you need to love, what you need to let go; all you need to do is just listen without prejudice. And listen patiently to that little voice of God that speaks in your heart. That feeble, fragile and faint little voice called conscience. Most people do not realise that conscience needs to be handled with care. Most people forget if you do not listen to him now, he will hold his peace forever. And that my dear friend, is not so a good thing to live with. Without that little voice of God still beating in our hearts we would be animals on twos. I bet God doesn't want that to happen. There is still time, it is not too late, yet. Don't let him die! No, not yet. 'Coz if he dies, you will too, eventually. And I bet you don't want that miserable death, do you? Don't you dare disobey or ignore him for long. Who knows, he may be dead by tomorrow. And you may never know what may befall you. Sounds scary? I know it does.

Folks, listen - to the sound from deep within.

This reminds me of a hymn we sung in school:

Listen, let your heart keep seeking,
Listen, to his constant speaking,
Listen to the spirit calling you.
Listen, to his inspiration,
Listen, to his invitation,
Listen to the spirit calling you.

He's in the sound of the thunder,
In the whisper of the breeze.
He's in the might of the whirlwind,
In the roaring of the seas.