Say What You Need To Say

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We studied in the same college. She was in a different class though. I always had something for her, but I didn't know what it was. She was just too perfect. Too good. Straight out of a dream. Too perfect. Too perfect to be true. We had a few common friends, but nothing else in common. We were as alike as chalk and cheese. I was shy and reserved. She was outgoing and outspoken. I was nothing. She was everything. I definitely felt something.

It was the last day of college. I was sad because I knew I'd never get to see her again. I had no reason to see her again. And chances of bumping into each other was remote. We lived in extreme ends of the world. It was as if my world was ending that day. I knew I had something for her. But I didn't have the slightest clue about her feelings. And with so many guys vying for her attention, my chances were pretty remote. Actually, I had no chance at all.

I still remember that day. I was lazing around at home. That's when I got an SMS which read 'Hey! I am in college. Where are you? Can we meet?' I didn't waste a minute and replied back, 'I'm around. Gimme five minutes and I'll see you at the foyer.' I don't know why she SMSed me. She never SMSed much. Whatever it was, I was happy. It was probably the last time I would meet her. My heart sank. Literally!

I rushed to the college in my car. She was there waiting for me. She was a very simple girl. With a very weird sense of dressing though. I think I liked that in her. I dunno. Whatever it was, I found her intriguing. I was very curious about her. And she was ever elusive. It seemed no different today. I still wondered in my head why did she ask me to meet her? Does she like me too? Ahh! No! It can't be! I am nothing like her! She is too good to be true! Shane? Shane?? I had drifted far away in my wonderland. I didn't hear her calling me. What is it? I asked. So? So you didn't hear a word of what I said in the last ten minutes? She seemed really irritated. I cursed myself for having pissed her off! Ah Women! I thought in my head. Men! She muttered loudly. What? I asked. Ohh nothing! She scorned and got into the car. Can you drop me to the station?, she asked. Err, why not? Sure! Okay! So she called me to chauffeur her around! Damn I wanted to kill her! If she let me. If!

The station came and this ever elusive pretty lady was still in the car. So I turned to her to tell her, Madam, the station has arrived. In case you didn't notice! I said to her with a slight taunt in my voice. Err yeah! I know. Err...and she blanked out and stopped. Err what? What is it? I asked her, irritated! I wish to tell you something. She said nervously. What? Well...and she went blank! AGAIN! Women I tell you! I hate them! So much drama. I just wanted to...Do you have anything to tell me?  She cut short my thoughts. Err no! Except that the station is here! I was getting confused. Was she playing mind games? These women! Ugh! Okay she said and the she said three more words. No! Five actually. I think, I like you. What? What did I just hear? You like Me? Yeah, she said. Silence. It was silent for atleast five minutes. I could hear the pixies whispering in my ears. I got uncomfortable. Silence doesn't go down too well with the men! She was getting uncomfortable and fidgety too. I could sense it. Finally she broke the wall of silence and asked me, So? Is there anything you wanna tell me? I muttered, Well nothing! You like me and I like burger and fries! I didn't know what to tell. Damn! What? What did I just say? I like burger and fries? Where is my brain when I need it the most? Where are those cheesy pick up lines? Damn! And dhud! She left out of the car fuming. Quite literally! Damn! What did I just do? I just spoilt the whole thing! Why the hell didn't I come up with something better? A smile and say something like I like you too? Or any other crap would have done too! But burger? Fries?? Damn! Life was horrible. End of the world like most people would say! Literally!

However, it was just the beginning for me. I messaged Nicole - yeah that's her name - and apologized to her for being such an ass. I didn't just apologise, but I also confessed my love for her. She being a woman, threw a BIG drama. How could you say something like that? Blah Blah! You're so mean! Blah blah! Some more blah blah and blah blah! Women! She took time to forget that incident and to forgive me. But she did! She felt that I was really very insensitive and that I meant to taunt her. More than that, she was offended as to how could I think of food when she was professing her love for me. Well, I think she didn't know us guys well enough. We are either hungry or horny. And I was 'hungry' that fateful evening! Anyway, she decided to put back that episode and gave me a chance. And I am eternally grateful to her for that! She kept me on my toes 24/7. I loved it though! It was a lovely feeling. She was really irritating at times, most times! Trust me! But I kinda liked that in Nicole. We became best friends very soon.

Five years down the line, I proposed to her properly and she said yes. She had tears in her eyes, 'coz she never thought I would muster the courage to tell it to her. And then we got married. There's been no looking back since then! Oh it wasn't really easy breezy though! She gets on my nerves most of the times! She is sweet, but only when she is sleeping. Shane?? Shane?? Oh that familiar screech of hers! What is it Nic? I am in the bedroom with Nina and Jonathan! What is it? I screeched back to her! I could never outdo her though! She came running to the bedroom and smiled and said, Darling, dinner's ready. Let's eat. I'm hungry! I smiled back and replied, Is it? We'll be there in a minute. Nina wanted to hear her favorite story. Ohh Nina! How many times will you hear that thing? You've heard it a hundred times!, saying so she took our four year old daughter Nina from my lap and gave her a kiss. Mommy, but I love that story! Daddy tells it so cutely. Nicole smiled and looked at me. I knew what that look meant. It meant everything to me. She was my life. She was my everything. I love her. Our one year old Jonathan is too young to understand the story, but one day, I am sure that he will understand and he too will love hearing about how his dad met his mom, just like Nina does. Just like Nicole does. Though Nicole pretends like she doesn't care a damn. She does, I know! I know!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers 

by BlogAdda.

This post is also a dedication to love. When you find true love, don't ever give up!
And like John Mayer sang - Say What You Need To Say!

Two Weeks Notice

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You go home and check your Emails. You read the second mail and freeze.

 

  

After a hard day's work, Zoey opened her lappy to unwind before she could finally try to get some much needed sleep that was eluding her since that fateful day. She thought of login into Facebook to kill time, but the thought of those million questions from a million friends (?) strangers precisely, put her off. What actually happened? Are you okay? Are you alright? How are you coping? These questionnaires from people who cared a damn was the last thing she wanted on a day as tiring as this one. Thinking of which she sighed. Haven't all days been tiring since that fateful day? Everything had changed. Everything! 

 

She tried not to think about it. And opened her mailbox. Hoping some crappy funny forward would make her laugh or at least smile. The first mail was as she expected - a reminder - that the school fees was due. She read it and then marked it as 'unread' quickly before proceeding to the next mail. The second mail. She read the subject line and then fearing the worst she clicked on it and read the rest of the mail. She froze. In the middle of May, the hot summer of Bombay - she froze. That is what fear does to you. And panic. And worry. And anxiety.

 

It was a mail from the bank that Kevin and she had loaned from almost two years ago. The loan term was up long back, and they hadn't paid up yet. How could she have forgotten? Ah! After all that happened to her over the last couple of weeks, she had every right to forget. And to be forgiven, right? Only if the bank would be as kind. As understanding. As forgetful. As forgiving. If only. Only if. Well, this wasn't the time for self pity. It was the time to act. And quick. Or the bank would throw her out of her house. Her home. Her sanctuary. Her nest. Her dwelling place. Her heaven on earth. They'd kick her out, if need be. No pleading would help. No crying. No nothing. Only crisp currency notes. Nothing else. Nothing less. Nothing more. She lived in a cruel and an unkind world, remember?  Forgive us our debts and sins as we forgive our debtors happens only in the Lord's prayer. Not in reality. Not in Zoey's world. A world that forgives and forgets NO debts and NO debtors. The bank had given her two weeks notice. Two weeks? That's it? Sure faith can move mountains and all. But this was different. A home was involved. A loan. A bank. And huge currency notes.

 

She didn't know what to do. What could she do? Could she ask her parents? NO! That was a bad idea. She had troubled them enough already. They didn't need to hear this! It was her problem, right? Not theirs! Only if. If only! If only Kevin was still here with her, he would find a solution. He would find a way. He would calm her down. If nothing, he would make her laugh - yes, he had an uncanny way of cracking her up even in the most tense situations. He was her anchor. He was the only Mary Jane she ever needed! He was her everything. She had the same effect on him too. If only. Only if. But everything had changed. Everything!

 

She needed some sleep. That was what she did whenever she was too worried. Sleep was her drug. It took her mind off the worry. It bought her time. But sleep's been eluding her since that fateful day. She threw a glance at Kathy and Ruth. They were sleeping blissfully like angels serene and calm, blissfully oblivious to the emotions that were draining their poor single mom. Single mom? No - she wasn't single. She said to herself. Kevin is here. Kev is dead, Zoe! No - he isn't! He is just sleeping! Oh yeah? Who was in the casket then? Voices. She was now hearing voices. Then she saw the images. Images of Kevin being carried to the ICU on a stretcher. The doctors calming her down and asking her not to worry. Not to worry? That's my husband in there, alright? Images of the doctors pronouncing him - . She stopped! First the voices and now the images. Was she going mad? Was she mad already? Who knows? She didn't want to go any further. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to accept the reality. She didn't want to move on. She didn't want to live. No, not like this. Everything was happening too quickly for her. Nothing made sense. Nothing! She was fed up of her life. Of herself. Of the kids. Of Kevin. She was fed up of everything!

 

She wanted to die!

 

She looked at her kids. Their kids. The serene faces calmed her for a moment. She saw Kevin in the innocent faces. Thousands of thoughts were running through her head. Just then an idea hit her. She scampered to the kitchen to find something strong and sharp. Yes, a knife. A sharp knife. A sharp knife would do the trick! And quick! That was what she was looking for, precisely. And bingo! She found one in the kitchen sink. She washed it clean, carefully. She looked at her own reflection on the sharp, sparkling knife. She wished for her Kev. She wished that he was there. She wished that he wouldn't have left her alone back here. She knew what she had to do now. The job was very easy. Nothing too tough for a lady. Had Kevin been here, she may never would have had thought of doing this. He would have given her a more practical idea. He would have found another way out of this. Like he always did. Not something as stupid and dumb and silly as this! She knew she was doing something stupid, but she didn't know what else to do. This seemed like her only way out. She had to give this a shot. She had to try it. She had to do it. And she had to do it NOW! No other way. She knew she was being very foolish. But she had no other option! There was an eerie silence. A silence that scared her. The thoughts and the voices kept haunting her. Ignoring them, she ran back to the room where the kids were sleeping. Ah! They were still sleeping! She rushed to the cupboard and opened the door without making a sound. She didn't want to wake them up. Kathy could get cranky. And that was the LAST thing she wanted tonight!

 

She emptied the cupboard almost immediately. And then she found what she was looking for. The tin money box. It was a gift from Kevin's mom on their wedding. She advised them to start saving from the beginning of their marriage. And then, she handed them this tin money box to inspire them. She laughed. You are so dumb. You think this stupid tin will have enough money to pay back the loan? You're nuts Zoe! Voices. She heard voices again. She ignored. She quickly took out the knife and pierced the box. All the loose change and some currency notes fell down. She was really nuts to think that some loose cash would settle the loan! She wanted to scream and cry. But she couldn't. She had to show the world that she was strong. She had to live it up for Kathy and Ruth. But she had given up. Almost.

 

Almost!

 

She gave a cold look at the sharp knife she still had in her shaky hand. And then. And then something extraordinary happened. A miracle. Yes, you can call it a miracle. A mutual fund certificate and a note stapled to it dropped from the box. How could she not have seen it? She had emptied the tin box, hadn't she? She wiped her tears and sat down to read the note. She froze again, her body. But her soul was warming up. It was a short note from Kevin. He told her about a mutual fund that he had invested in long back. Mutual funds? Why didn't you ever tell me about it Kev? Why? Kevin knew that Zoey would hound him for not telling her! So he explained to her in the note - Zoe, I didn't tell you about the mutual fund earlier because I was actually saving up for our second honeymoon on our tenth anniversary next year. I knew you always wanted to go to Rome. I was saving up for that. I wanted to surprise you sweetheart! But hey! If ever you come across this note and I am not around and if you need money desperately, please feel free to redeem this certificate. I have made you a nominee and all the instructions as to how to redeem it are at the back of the certificate. And cheer up! If not the honeymoon, I am sure this hard earned money can be used for something better. Maybe you can redeem it to pay off the loan. Or maybe for Kathy's and Ruth's education. Something! Anyway, I am sure that my pretty wife is pretty smart and would use this money wisely. And remember - Faith, Love and Hope, like I always told you! Love you loads Zoe. Your's, Kev. 

 

Yes - Faith, Love and Hope. Faith, Love and Hope will get you through anything and everything. Calm down! Cheer up! It isn't THAT bad, trust me! If nothing else, trust God! He's got it all figured out. Even though we haven't! Yet! Her Kev always said that. Today she had proof! Proof that faith, love and hope are still alive. Proof that faith, love and hope is all you need. Proof that miracles do happen. It happened to her.

 

She cried and cried. Loudly. She didn't care if the kids or the neighbors woke up. She cried. Nothing could stop her. Kev, why you love me so much? Why? She didn't have any words. Just incoherent sobs. Kathy and Ruth woke up. They saw their mom crying. They didn't ask why. They knew what daddy meant to mommy. They just hugged her and the three of them cried thinking about their daddy, their best friend, their Kev. It went on for a while and then when they fell asleep, they didn't realize.

 

The morning sun's glaring rays filling up the room woke up Zoey. It was like a signal - to start her life anew. She woke up the kids fed them breakfast and told them, 'Mama needs to go to the bank. Ruth, take care of Kathy. I will be back in an hour.' Saying so she put on her favorite summer dress and rushed to the bank. All ready to face the life alone. No, not alone. She had Ruth, Kathy and Kev - yes, Kevin was there. Somewhere! He hadn't gone! No, not yet! She knew him in her heart. And felt him in her soul. With the wind in her hair and the world at her feet and the bounce in her steps, she went to the bank. To reclaim their house. Their home. Their sanctuary. Their nest. Their dwelling place. Their heaven on earth. That was rightfully theirs! She threw a glance upwards and thanked her God and she thanked her Kevin. She was happy. She was alive. She was living. 

 

Faith, Love and Hope - do quite some work, good work, don't they? 

 

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative 
for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

This post is also a dedication to faith, love and hope. These three we can never 
live without! But the greatest of these is love (1 Cor 13:13)

What! Am I?

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As she walked down the street,
She heard people scream.
As she got closer,
She heard them call her names.

She dint know it was a game,
They were looking to defame.
They called her ugly, fat and dumb,
She asked herself, 'What! Am I?'

She believed their every line,
She trusted their empty lies.
She lost herself in the crowd,
She lost the hope that she had found.

As she was walking on way,
She heard those dogs bay.
She heard their muffled voices,
At first she thought it was just some weird noises.

As she walked ahead,
She heard them call her stupid and slow.
And other nasty names in a flow.
And she asked herself again, 'What! Am I?'

She then wondered, 'Am I really ugly, fat and dumb?,
Am I really stupid and slow?'
That's when she heard a voice from inside,
And that voice calmed her from within.

That voice told her the truth,
The truth she had forgotten.
That voice showed her the way,
The way she thought she had lost.

That voice gave her hope,
The hope that she thought had dimmed.
That voice gave her life,
The life that she thought had died.

That voice told her that she was precious and one of a kind.
That she was not what others said she was.
That she was the apple of someone's eye.
That she was perfect just the way she was.

That she was beautiful.
That she was pretty.
That she was funny.
That she was cute.

That she was smart.
That she was God's lovely art.
That she was sweet.
That she was neat.

That she was special.
That she was perfect.
That she was unique.
That she was really the best.

That she made a difference.
That she was cared for.
That she was wanted.
That she made the world a better place.

That she was a gem.
That she was royal.
That she was needed.
That she was one of a kind.
 
She asked herself again, 'What! Am I?'
The voice replied back, 'Yes, you are!'
She smiled and said, 'Amen!
Thanks! Thanks for letting me know!'

Many a times we have people in our life who put us down, call us names and hurt us. And sometimes, it is a friend. It hurts us. But remember that we are not what they call us. We are much better, much much better than they could ever attempt to be! I have had enough of so called 'friends' in my life. And I am grateful to them for calling me names and for telling me that I am good for nothing. For it is their harsh words that got me closer to God and showed me what I really am. And what they really are. Don't believe the lies the world tells you. You are really the best. You are one of a kind. There cannot be another YOU, EVER!

Every Experience Counts

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Happy New Year Friends! :)

New year calls for new beginnings, right? I believe the same. And so I present before you the first ever guest post on my blog. The guest writer is one of my bestest friends. She is my support system. I've drawn a lot of love and strength from her. I love her to bits. She and I have a very special and a weird relationship. She's special and I am weird! :) 

So ladies and gentlemen! Fasten your seat belts and prepare yourself to unravel the mysteries of this lady - Nieve Chica aka Snow Girl! :)

A li’l more laughs
A li’l less sighs

Let’s bloom a little
Let’s fade into the back at times

Stand up a little more
Walk that extra mile

Share and care
Bear it all and dare to live

Dream and do
Be and believe

An open heart
A more open mind

Faith in Him
And He will do the rest

Experie­nce. Every single one counts.
 
The author, apart from being one of the precious souls in my innermost circle, is a budding writer. You can read her work here: https://nievechica.jux.com/ She is super awesome and is very creative when it comes to writing and is an even better photographer. 

P.S: She has a thing for alliterations!

Que Sera Sera

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Dearest Darling Nevaeh,

You've turned TEN today! Whoa! You still seem like a newborn to me! Yeah, yeah! I know you hate it when I tell you that! But you know what, when you reach my age lemme hear you saying that to your daughter! I'm gonna box your ears then! 

Okay, the violence apart, there are a few things I wanna tell you darling. Actually many. You know your mom, right? She just can't say a 'few' things. Can she? Thinking of which - you've got it too! You're as talkative as your mom is! Maybe more! You're like me in more ways than one. Much more than I've ever wanted. It makes me happy, it makes me sad too. You see, your mom isn't perfect. She is flawed. She doesn't want you to make the same mistakes she did. She wants you to be a much better person. And before you become one, here are some pointers dear.

Don't let anyone in this world hurt you or trick you into believing crap. I had enough of such people in my life. I don't want them in yours! I let them hurt me. Tell me crap. That I am good for nothing. That I would never amount to anything. That I am big mess. That I am hopeless wreck. That I am ugly. That I am a nobody. And you know what? Your foolish mom believed every single LIE they said! They killed me, you know? Don't let something like that happen to you. You won't have the good people around you always. In fact, you'll have more of the bad ones than the good. Don't let them mess you up. Remember, God loves you. Your dad and I love you too. We love you just the way you are. With all of your flaws. There is nothing in this world that would or could change the love we have for you. There is nothing you can do to lessen it either. No matter how you are and what you do - remember - We love YOU! ALWAYS!

Don't ever let anybody tell you that you can't do something. Not even us. All right? Don't be afraid to dream dreams. Chase after your dreams. It is dreams that keep us alive. Keep us sane. Keep us going. Your dad and I will help you as much as we can to help you realize your dream. But the first step has to be YOU!

You are precious. You are beautiful. You are the BEST. You are a star. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. You light up our lives. You are the apple of our eye. Period.

Be happy. Always. Don't wait for the big things to happen for you to celebrate. Celebrate every moment of your beautiful life. Find happiness in the smallest of things. The butterfly. The sunny sky. The pouring rain. The smelly fart that your little baby brother just let out. Be happy. Find something funny and beautiful even in the most plain, the most vain, the most strange and the most weirdest of things. And then you'll see what a wonder life is! And then you'll see you'll have more reasons to laugh than to cry. To celebrate than to mourn. To boast than to crib. Keep laughing. Keep smiling. Always!

Don't worry too much. Your mom worries a lot. I hope she hasn't passed it on to you. Don't ever worry about anything. Always remember - nothing is permanent - this too shall pass - the good and the bad. Don't worry about the good that is going away or about the bad that is yet to come. Take life each moment as it comes. Don't live ahead of the moment, nor behind. One day at a time, one mile at a time, one step at a time, one second at a time!

Don't ever give up on faith, hope and love. These are the three most important things that you can EVER have! Trust me! They can get you through the worst of the days and the darkest of the nights. Faith, hope and love has kept me alive. Kept me going. It will keep you too! Just trust and obey! Have faith! Have hope! Have love!

Believe in God. Believe in your parents. We want the best for you. And above all, believe in yourself. Don't believe in the voices that put you down. Believe in the voice that comes from within. It will lift you up. It will calm your fears. It will make you strong. And soon you will soar on wings like eagles. Just Believe!

Lastly, I would love to sing to you a few lines from a song. A song I learnt as a child. A song my teachers and my mother sang to me.

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, what will I be?  
Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be! 
The future's not ours, to see. Que Sera, Sera. What will be, will be!

That's all for now darling! Loads more to tell you. Will tell you everything else, one day at a time! :)

Loads of love and kisses.

Your Best Friend Forever & your Mother,

Maria

This post was a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative 
for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda and it got selected among the top 
three entries for WOW. Here is the link: WOW winners

This post is also a dedication to my darling daughter. Hoping that she'll love it, one day!